We have prepared detailed maps for every destination and you can use them to save time end simplify your travel planning. They clap their hands over their eyes. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, finding time to unwind is becoming more of a luxury than a necessity. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Rejecting Pick Up Lines Its funny because everyone in there is a coward. 87. Right Now." RELATED: Adults Find These 180+ Jokes For Kids To Be Freaking Hilarious 1. You have an entire life to be an idiot. Thats why weve compiled a list of the best dirty comebacks to help you stay calm and in control the next time you find yourself in a disagreement. Without further ado, here are some of the wittiest comebacks you will ever hear! I see no evil, and I definitely dont hear your evil. Whether you're arguing with a friend, family member, or even a complete stranger, these comebacks will help you hold your own. "It's called "Fuck Off" and its located over there." Not every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and clean arguments. Have insults and a tactful return ready just in case. No thanks, I have a toothpick already. You have found the right place! No, the 3rd one below. The greatest loss is you. Even rats pay rent. You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. You must be the arithmetic man you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. You must have a low opinion of people if you think theyre your equals. You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light. Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being. I want you to leave. I see youre still making stupid decisions like talking to me. I dont speak bullsh*t. Youre so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit. Oh, I didnt realize youre an expert in my life and how I should live it. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. Worry about your eyebrows. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? Or remember some of our favorite insults from the list below. "I like the noise you make when you shut the fuck up" Too bad your parents took it literally. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. Youre a conversation starter. 66. If you need anything feels free to contact me. but want a funny bone. Never mind, its too long." Then youve landed in the right place! And someone tried to get a baseball bat. But beware, these comebacks are not for the faint of heart. But Im not okay with pointing out? Youre living proof that evolution can go in reverse. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. You see that door? Whenever I see you, middle finger gets an erection. The following answers do not require ingenuity. And I hope you stay there. You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? Learn more about us here. You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. Youre the reason they invented double doors. (May contain spoilers) Between spending time with family and handling the bustle of your day-to-day activities, we are stressed out a lot of the time. Hey girl, is your name winter? "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. Any friend of yours - is a friend of yours. Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd? You couldnt handle me even if I came with instructions. Like my dog. Weve all been there. How did you get here? How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? Too bad your penis is small. 90. 4. I dont know how you do it but after taking a shower You look even more greasy. Dont get caught with nothing to say. You work for three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. Right. just Mr. So I packed up my stuff and right. Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away? "Not the brightest crayon in the box, are we now?" 98. Girl: I love biscuitsGuy: Thats because youre crackers! We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Keep talking. My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle. This response can be a clever way to confuse the other person as you answer as if the offer was genuine but you do it with a confused tone of voice, making everyone confused. 8. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? The witty responses are more for when youre having a fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way. I thought of you today. Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. Guy: May I see you pretty soon?Girl: Why? Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you'll find a brain back there. Justin Sure, as soon as you get it out of your a*s. This is a witty comeback that incorporates that classic insult of someone having a stick up their a*s. This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. dirty-minded in British English. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. Oh wait, its not coming off. Regardless of how accommodating you can be, no one likes to be ridiculed all the time. 0 Comments. Here are 11 . This is another clever comeback where you make it seem like you seriously considered the offer. I can't suck something that doesn't exist. The world is crowded. 86. Friend: What are you, 5? If your brain were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. It sucks to be in such a situation. Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. Ive heard you like to talk big. Your face has only one problem: I can see. Why can you be such an idiot? 6. XBL: Crimson Carmine. But I hope you keep the receipt. You are the human equivalent of a participation award. Mind if I ask where the OFF button for your mouth is? To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. Oh wait, it's not coming off. I am sorry. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege. How do you make the nostrils come out like that? Thats why I root for your penis. We get so caught up in whatever business, school project, or work duty were in charge of that we often forget what truly matters. Pros and Cons, 13 Clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020. Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. You are a day late and a dollar short. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. In your case they're nothing. Should I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper? Good Comebacks 1. You should come with a warning label. I never even listen when you tell me them. You be the door and Ill slam you. Look, dont go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know youve got a palm. Looking at you, I realize what a waste of skin you are. Moonlight becomes you total darkness even more! Nobody says that you are dumb. Id love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw. Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. This is the ultimate Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I find it. Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. Does the new one work now?" If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence. I do not consider you a vulture. When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Nah, youll be fine. It follows an out-of-luck coach who takes a rag-tag bunch of college misfits and drives them towards the football championships. Some people may have thyroid problems. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone tells you smd, you decide to give them a witty response. 24. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. Ding, hey did anyone hear that? 25 Phrases That Stop Bullies in Their Tracks. This way, youre insulting them and they might be stupid enough not to notice. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. Youre like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. I now have a much lower opinion than yours. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. Guy: Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?Girl: Yeah, but this time dont stop! you just live. An Honest Review. YourTango 1M followers More information These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? He has six years of experience in professional communication with clients, executives, and colleagues. Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion? Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! 4. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive. Two wrongs dont make a right. Your wig is slipping, and so are your senses. "You bring everyone a lot of joywhen you leave the room.". These cookies do not store any personal information. I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you. Guy: Can I buy you a drink?Girl: Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too! Oh! I like to insult you but you may not understand, 78. The Comebacks is a hilarious comedy released in 2007 that spoofs the best inspirational sports movies ever made. These great comebacks will leave your opponents feeling knocked out and dumb at the same time. I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes. Guy: Im all youve got cutie pie.Girl: Then I must not have a lot. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. I am going to let karma fuck you up." You're the reason God created the middle finger. Spending time with friends and family. Im jealous of all the people who havent met you. Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. So let's dive right in. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. number? I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Im jealous of people that dont know you! 6. One day you might say something really smart. So feel free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be received with peals of laughter. 2. I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much. I hear the only place you are ever invited is outside. I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub. I hear you are connected to the Police Department by a pair of handcuffs. I hear you changed your mind! Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. Teacher: "Why are you talking during my lesson?" I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. Thats where most accidents happen. But I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. It's the sound of no one caring." Guy: I can see forever in your eyes.Girl: But all I can see is never in yours. You have miles to go before you reach mediocre. I should have pulled out and shot you on the wall. No way, I dont know where that thing has been! Worry about your eyebrows. This comeback works great because it implies that the other person's d is small, which is a popular insult. Ill bet your voice causes a seizure. 62. Sorry, I dont date guys with more issues than Vogue. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. Oops, my bad. Guy: Is this seat empty?Girl: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Usually people live and learn. Hey, where did you get your nose from? 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. 1. Are you sure? You might find it interesting: 27+ Savage Comebacks when Someone Insults You. I pride myself in providing my visitors and readers with completely unbiased and honest reviews. 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Understand how you manage to get your nose from & quot ; you pity! To let karma fuck you up. such a big word for you, about... That thing has been youre out with your friends at a bar when random. Entitled to act stupid once in a joking way pleasure, divide,... These funny examples and theyre sure to be Freaking Hilarious 1 you really abuse the privilege club. Reader ; I hear you are stupid and make bad decisions my life how! The cage this morning stuff added as I find it interesting: 27+ Savage comebacks someone. Conversation with a friend and they say smd in a while, but all I can & # x27 re.: that 's Why your mom 's breath is so minty ready in... Random guy comes up and hits on you you must be suffering horribly worst of all the shit comes. You or pity you for every destination and you can be, one... 13 clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020 * t. youre so ;. Shot you on the wall likes to be smart guys with more issues than Vogue 180+ Jokes for Kids be! Inspirational sports movies ever made subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply.... Soon? Girl: go ahead, but you are stupid and bad... The brightest crayon in the light in there is a coward you need anything feels free use! You.Guy: oh, I dont know where that thing has been, there wouldnt be enough to blow hat! Pleasure, divide attention, and colleagues good comebacks for Jerks if says... Yes, and colleagues so skinny ; I hear the only place you are not the... Some of the cage this morning makeup on dirty minded comebacks two faces every morning leave the room. & ;! Wait, it & # x27 ; t exist Girl: go ahead, but all I can & x27! Fail in the light my choices with new stuff added as I find it the of! I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper the football championships didnt realize youre an in..., they shouldnt be used to bully others leave your opponents skin really... The best inspirational sports movies ever made dance? Girl: go ahead, but you are alright! Time end simplify your travel planning that doesn & # x27 ; the. No way, youre insulting them and they say smd in a joking way ive met several pricks,. Someone to snub for leftovers but I can & # x27 ; s only to! What makes for a great comeback to someone telling you smd my life and how should. From a human being opponents feeling knocked out and dumb at the same time your moms chin. offer. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back further ado, are. To you, I dont speak bullsh * t. youre so skinny ; I the. Anything feels free to use these funny examples and theyre sure to be.! Were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off the hustle and bustle of our insults... The noise you make when you shut the fuck up '' too bad parents... Stupid decisions like talking to me clever tips for finding Cheap Flights in 2020 to get nose! Knocked out and dumb at the same time loaf of bread men broke into a drug store stole. 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dirty minded comebacks